Traffic Can Be a Bear

Sometimes in life, we’re presented with a situation where it’s difficult to know how to respond. A bear attack, for example. If I were attacked by a bear, there would be a few unfortunate, and possibly fatal, seconds where I’d wonder if I was supposed to quietly assume the fetal position or start screaming and try to climb a tree. I could get confused, knowing I’ve heard that one of those things is really smart and one is really, really stupid.

Other dilemmas we face in life should be a little easier to figure out. Like… I dunno… when you’re driving to work and you begin to see those orange plastic tubs all over the place and a sign tells you your lane is going to end in 1000 feet. Logic should tell you that it’s a good time to put on your blinker and think about merging with the other drivers. One would think. Most of us say to ourselves, “Construction… Damn. Well, it’s a necessary evil. I’ll get in line with everyone else.” Others think, “Construction… Sweet! I am evil so I will now fly past all these people and get to where I’m going faster than any of them.” Quick note for you people… you’re not geniuses. It’s not that it hasn’t occurred to the rest of us to do the same thing. It’s just that we thought better of it when we realized that sort of behavior makes the other people on the road wish us bad, bad things. And we are thinking those things about you. Right now. Probably involving pushing your car right up against the cement scrapamajobies until there’s nothing left but you standing there holding your steering wheel. Seriously. And if that did happen, none of us would give you a ride. So maybe you better think about joining the merge like the rest of us.

Because once you give in, allow yourself a few extra minutes in the morning, the merge isn’t so bad. It’s really an opportunity to see the best in the other drivers around you. You have to communicate more than you normally would and I enjoy the non-verbal back and forth. I'm a big fan of the wave. Just this morning, on my way in here, I had to get into the right lane and a woman in a Mercedes gave me a little wave to say, “Come on in”. So I merged, and I gave her a little wave to say, “Thank you!” And she gave me that little wave that said, “No problem.” …So then I gave a little wave to say, “Thanks again. Have a good one!” She was pretty much done waiving at that point. Yeah, I tend to go a little overboard sometimes. Another quick traffic safety note here—in case you needed another reason not to drive around with your cell phone to your ear… it can easily be mistaken for the international sign for, “Call me. I mean it.” I’m sure I’m not the first one to make that mistake. …Y’know?

Anyway, the point is, it is Highway Construction Season here in Syracuse and we’re only going to see more of it. So to those people who cooperate and work together for the common good… LOVE YOU!! (But not in a weird way) And to those people who choose to fly past the rest of us and scoot in at the last second… Cut it out. You really should be able to figure out how to behave in this situation. It’s an easy one. It’s not like your getting attacked by a bear. If you do, by the way, and you are one of those people… best thing to do is pretend the bear’s not even there, go make yourself a sandwich.