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Syracuse, NY |
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THURSDAY
FEBRUARY 16, 2006 |
Well,
it would seem that my dog, Sadie and I are at an impasse
once again. It appears one of us is going to have to
rethink the way we do a few things. Let me give you
a little perspective, and then I’ll share with
you the chain of events that finally made me come to
this realization.
First off, Sadie’s not like other dogs. Most dogs,
you ask them if they’d like to go for a walk,
they’re jumping up and down at the door. Sadie’s
more like, “Walk? Walk where? Awright… hang
on, I’ll go.” It’s true, she’s
no spring chicken, but it’s not that she can’t
move fast… you drop a little beef jerky at the
finish line and she’s a blur going by you. But
other than that, she takes her own sweet time, and it
makes me crazy.
So, anyway… it came to a head this past Wednesday,
I took her out to take a walk at Green Lakes. Now, due
to her aforementioned tendency to walk so slowly…
and to sometimes just walk off into the woods and take
a seat… I’ve found that if I keep talking,
the sound of my voice keeps her moving along with me.
Doesn’t matter what I’m saying, just so
long as I keep talking. Sometimes I’ll sing a
song, if nobody else is around. Like the other day.
The weather wasn’t great, and I hadn’t seen
anybody in like a half an hour. So here we are, wandering
down the trail… I’m just singin’ away…
and I must have gotten lost in my thoughts, cause I’d
been staring at the ground for some time, and when I
stopped singing and looked up, it was just in time to
see two women… about my age… attractive…
passing me from the opposite direction. The one closest
to me avoided eye contact altogether. The other one
gave me this kind of sympathetic smile, like maybe she
thought the little yellow schoolbus pulled out of the
parking lot without me and now, here I was, living it
up with this dog. Without supervision. This may be due
to the fact that the song I’d chosen was, “Oh
yes, I’m stuck on Fat-dog, cause Fat-dog’s
stuck on me…” (That consists of all three
verses. And the chorus. Sung to the tune of the Band-Aid
commercials.) Now, I’m walking right down the
middle of the trail, totally oblivious, and they’d
clearly decided it was wise to give me a wide berth
when they made the pass. At least one of them was actually
stepping in the water. So, I waited until we got out
of earshot (Y’know, so as not to make an ass out
of myself) and I made that dog Sit. And I told her it
was her fault those ladies thought we were weird, not
mine. If she’d only keep up with me, I wouldn’t
have to sing in the first place.
It was then that I realized I’d been going at
this the same way for years, with no noticeable results.
Perhaps with a few small changes, we’d still end
up in the same place, and I could save us both a lot
of frustration.
From now on... no more dog songs. But I’m not
going to call her all the time either. She wanders off,
I’m simply gonna yell, “Sadie, meet me at
the car in fifteen.” So instead of women thinking
I’m challenged, or at the very least, that my
dog has no idea who I am, they’ll be impressed
when she slides into the station right on time. Problem
solved. See… like every relationship, it’s
all about compromise.
BONUS
BITS
For all of those who had the perfect Valentine's Day,
you may want to listen to the "Kindergarten Valentines"
bit from the AUDIO
page. For those of you who did not, here's a little
something for you...
BREAKUP WORDS
There are lots of standard phrases people employ during
a parting of the ways. Most of us even recycle. Rarely,
however, do we say exactly what we mean....
“I’m not sure what I want right now”
takes care of it without having to say “but I’m
pretty sure know what I DON’T want.”
You can say, “We’re just different people”
and leave off, “and, as it turns out,people
like me don’t particularly like people like
you”
“I want to take a break” that means “If
you could stay right here, I’d like to see if
there’s anyone better out there. If not, I’ll
be right back.”
“We’re not in the same place right now,”
isn’t altogether accurate now is it? But you
can’t really say, “Although we’re
in the same place right now, I’m off to find
a nicer place. …You stay here.”
If someone tells you “This isn’t really
working for me right now.” Or “I need
some time”… Well, there’s probably
no need to get out your day-planner. They’re
not really hoping to find a time that’s works
out better for both of you.
“I need to concentrate on work right now.”
Well… unless you’ve been sending singing
telegrams to their office every day, that’s
not really the problem.
“I hope we’re still friends.” means,
“I hope you won’t try to run me over if
you see me crossing the street.”
And my personal favorite; It’s nice to say;
“I hope you find happiness” when what
we mean is, “I hope you’re pretty bummed
for awhile and then find relative happiness. …But
not before I do.”
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THURSDAY
FEBRUARY 9, 2006 |
Hey,
You made it! Welcome to “The Life of the Single
Guy”. If you’ve heard me on the Ted and
Amy Show on 93Q, well… thanks for listening. If
not, what the hell have you been doing Thursdays at
7:35 and 9:20 in the morning that is so important?
Over the last couple of years I’ve gone on the
air to wrestle everything from personal tragedies like
being trapped inside my house without candy, on Halloween
(“Thoughtlessness…
bad planning… call it whatever you want. The fact
remains, here I sit, on my bathroom floor with the lights
turned off, praying Strawberry Shortcake will just go
back to the hell from whence she came.”—October,
‘05) to topics ripe for public debate
(“In this age of Global Terrorism and Corporate
Greed, nothing seems to galvanize the general populace
like a glimpse of a golden nipple shield during halftime
of a football game.”—February, ’04)
I’ve had a great time talking to you on the radio
and greatly appreciate the support you’ve shown
through emails and when I’ve been fortunate enough
to meet people around Syracuse. I’ll keep doing
my thing until they unplug my mic… which has only
happened twice in three years. I’d like to invite
you to check out the AUDIO
CLIPS link at the top of this page to hear
some of the bits I’ve done over the last several
months. My personal favorite? Gotta’ be the one
about Thanksgiving, when I spent a morning with the
kids from Honeydoo Daycare Center. Wow …and I
thought dealing with adults was exhausting.
Here’s an idea of what you’ll come across
as you move around this site… I mentioned the
AUDIO CLIPS.
Hope you’ll check those out. New bits will be
added regularly and if there is a particular bit you
heard on the radio and would like to hear again…
that’s when you’ll want to make your way
to the CONTACT
page. Drop me an email and I’ll do my best to
oblige. Come to think of it, drop me an email for any
reason. I’d love to hear from you. On the
BIO
page you can find out a little more about me, if you’re
so inclined. This page is where you’ll find some
pictures of my dog, my nephews, etc. so you can put
faces (and paws) with some of the names I so often talk
about.
As for this page… here I will place my Blog. Curious,
as I still don’t really know what that means.
Here, I will talk to you about stuff. Sometimes it will
be the text of a bit I’ve written but not performed.
Other times it will be something I just feel like throwing
out there. I should warn that some content might be
a little more off-color than what you hear on the Ted
and Amy Show. Not often, but occasionally, I’ve
censored myself on the air; knowing lots of kids listen
on the bus. There will be no censoring here. Nor will
there be profanity just for profanity’s sake.
But sometimes, I’m afraid, an F-bomb’s the
only thing that fits. Okay, enough said. For now. Please
look around… listen to the clips… hope you
enjoy. I’ll be adding things daily. Special Thanks
to Ted and Amy for letting me in their studio every
week and to Keith at KCNY
Design for helping me put this
together. Talk to you soon.
Sincerely,
--Mark Eischen
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